I keep wondering why girls, once they grow to become adults begin to see their mothers as major rivals. They try to imitate their mother, do whatever they see them do and possibly beat them to it.
But after spending so much time thinking about it, I realised nature made it so. This is more reason you see some women who are ignorant and unable to handle their grown-up daughters putting up a sort of competition against them. It is not only the women who are guilty of this, fathers too, because they find it difficult coping with their sons, get too attached to their daughters.
Before I proceed, I wish to recommend a book for all mothers who have daughters. The Big Black Book for Parents by Blaine Bartel will help you raise your daughter the right way.
The gift of a mother is the highest gift anyone can have. Those who lost their mothers quite early in life can attest to this. You may never know how precious your mother is until she is gone. This is the way your daughter feels or should feel whenever she remembers she has a mother. But on the contrary, a good number of girls wish they never had a mother like theirs.
This has been so strong in my spirit. I always feel bad when I see daughters hiding things from their mum. It is a very sad thing seeing daughters wish their mum travels and stays away for years. If your daughter always feels you shouldn’t be around her, there is something you are not doing right. I know sometimes they want you to quickly leave the house for work because they must visit their friends and classmates. I know she finds it easier getting the attention of daddy than mummy, but you must strive to make your daughter see you as her best friend.
It is a natural thing to see daddies closer to their daughters, you can’t change that. But have you taken a break to find out if there is something you are not doing right? I want to take your mind to those little things that can get your daughter running far away from you.
NAGGING
In a layman’s understanding, nagging simply means constant complaining. I know you want to see your daughter turn out the best. You want her to grow to become your source of pride. Every mother finds herself in this same dilemma as you. The only difference is that some mothers achieve better results than others because they understood how to go about motherhood. Nagging has never, and will never solve a problem. The best way to talk to your daughter and have her feel sorry for her actions is when everything is okay between the two of you. You can wake her up very early in the morning and speak to her.
LACK OF COMMUNICATION
Stop appearing too serious for your daughter. The earlier you make her see you as her closest friend and confidant, the better for you. You must get her to that point where she tells you everything without fear of rejection. These girls hide so much in their hearts that you will marvel if you are opportune to hear them gist with their friends. When they see their friends flow with their mothers, they wish you can give them that privilege.
The ways our mothers trained us are totally obsolete to this generation. I am one person who believes that the African culture must be put into consideration in the raising of our children, but we must be open to change. The way they live now is different from the way you lived. Things are better for them now and all we have to do as parents is to guide them the right way. You can have days when you dialogue and reach a compromise with your kids.
If you are one of those parents who believe a child must say yes to all instructions, you are deceiving yourself. This is the 21st century and the world is more sophisticated now than ever. They want to know why they should do what you ask them to do. Please don’t see this as rudeness or disobedience. I talk and educate even my sons on sexuality. They sometimes ask questions that some mothers would ordinarily frown at, but I don’t shout at them rather I take my time to explain and make them understand why that is so.
DISCOURAGING BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND RELATIONSHIPS
We are no longer in the nineteenth century and believe it or not, your daughter will at one time or the other get attracted to the opposite sex.It is sad that so many pastors have misinterpreted the Bible. I have spoken in so many youth conferences and at no time have I condemned girls keeping boyfriends likewise boys keeping girlfriends. All I try to stand against is sex before marriage.
Your daughter could be pretending not to have anything with a boy just because she wants to please you and in the process she gets pregnant. Why not let that her open up to you on her feelings and other emotional matters. I have seen girls who appear as saints before their parents only to for them to become something else the moment they leave home. That is a good example of children with the feeling of insecurity in their homes.
When you see your teenage daughter getting attracted to a classmate, the best you can do is to be sure the boy has a good background. Then get them closer to yourself and if possible, become a family friend. Invite them over for lunch and other family outings. The moment the kids realise their parents are interested in their relationship, they become very careful. Guide them on the right things to do while in a relationship like studying together in the open, attending church services and doing things to help their community. Mind you, they must be encouraged to avoid staying together in an enclosed place.
MORALITY
A lot of women are destroying their daughters in the name of pampering. I frown when I see little girls being taught how to wear single strapped tops and miniskirts from childhood. There is nothing as good as decency. I don’t know if you feel what I feel whenever I go into a church and see women proudly seated with their daughters exposing their bodies. Our pastors are not helping issues as they allow these girls and their mothers who could be church workers worship anyhow. Go on facebook and you see mothers in a picture with their daughters who are semi-nude. Shouldn’t those mothers be ashamed of themselves?
You keep saying they are still babies and will change with time. Hear this: whatever foundation you lay now for your child endures forever. Today you are teaching her how to rock life, party every weekend, make regular visits to the cinema, and dress to show the parts of her body that should be covered, but in the few years ahead, you will still be the one complaining about her behaviour.
Why am I just talking about what we teach these girls when even without a word, we say it all to our daughters. Are the daughters to blame when we see mothers dress with their breasts popping out of their so called dresses? Can the girls help living recklessly when you have their mothers move around with tattoos on their breasts and other parts of the body? What do you expect from a girl who grew up seeing her mother get drunk any time she attends a social function? What kind of wife do you want her to be when she grew up seeing her mother buy food from restaurants for her dad?
Most times we blame the girls when we see them misbehave, but do you think they should be blamed? When kind of human beings will they grow up to become when they grew up seeing their mother spend most part of her nights in different clubs? We tend to place so much priority on the things of this life that we forget to train our children in the way of the Lord. We raise our daughters to believe they don’t have so much need for God. When was the last time you made your daughter see God the way she should?
Like I said earlier, whatever you sow in the life of your daughter today is what you reap tomorrow. Raise your daughter the right way with all the values of Africa. Remember, when you educate a woman, you educate a nation. In doing this, avoid raising her to become a zombie who allows people push her around. Teach her to be firm, assertive, and real.
