Although, the divorce suit is still in court, Media personality Toke Makinwa who covered the latest edition of Glam Africa Magazine and talks about cheating and more.
“I have come to understand that love is beyond what we think it is. In our generation, what we define love to be can come across as superficial and, in most cases, unrealistic. Love is friendship that grows. It takes a lot of work to love someone, even when they’re at their lowest; it’s not for the faint-hearted. Love is a conscious thought; it is constantly forgiving and looking beyond flaws. So yes, I believe that attraction is fleeting and it is possible to love someone that you don’t desire physically. But as time passes, love grows.
A lot of our parent’s marriages were arranged. In the past that happened a lot but they somehow made it work. It is a selfless act only for people who know that it’s not all a walk in the park. Life happens. You might fall for someone for their physical attributes, but then what happens if there is an accident? If they don’t look the same? If they stop being attractive? Do you then move on? Attraction is a blessing it’s an extra topping; not what defines the cake.”
She also thinks it is possible for married or ‘taken’ men to genuinely have a female ‘best friend’ and maintain a platonic relationship with her, “people say it is possible but I use myself as an example. I have never had a male friend who didn’t fancy me at some point. In as much as I would love to say guys and girls can just be friends, I don’t believe in it. It starts from someone wanting more and maybe in the process they then build a friendship that is more important to both parties; they choose to develop that.
I feel that we are wired differently and I am of the opinion that your partner should be your best friend. God made Adam for Eve, and not Eva, Evelyn and Everett…The moment your partner gets comfortable having a best friend that is not you, it is just leaving room for an unnecessary story. Don’t get me wrong, he is allowed to have female acquaintances and people he is friendly with, but I don’t believe his best friend should be another female. If she’s your best friend, what am I?”
Do you believe in the saying, ‘once a cheat always a cheat’? Or do you believe in second chances? , she said: “Matters of the heart are tough, incredibly tough. Cheating is bad; it is a cancer that eats you up; it destroys everything. You see a confident woman become a shadow of herself when she has been cheated on. It is one of the most painful things, ever and though some people make it work, it definitely cannot be the same again. It is like a broken mirror, the cracks will always be there but in time, the scar can become beautiful and a place only of reference, not a destination.
People can come back from it. If both parties are willing and if the cheat understands what his or her actions cost their partner. And of course, with the grace of God, watching another person suffer for the choice you selfishly made is so heart breaking – that is what cheating does. People grow up, people change [and] everyone deserves a second chance as we ask God for forgiveness daily, but it may not be with each other. Sometimes the brokenness is irreparable and you can forgive someone without being in their lives.”
