The Holy Bible, in Ephesians, chapter 5, verse 21, enjoins us to be submissive to one another. I believe so much in the authority of the man in the home, while I also believe this very verse that asks us to submit to one another. When we are submissive to one another in our homes, certain issues will never come up.
The meaning of that word in the Holy Scriptures, “submitting to one another” is that your body ceases to be yours the very moment you become a husband or a wife. In this case, you have no right to do whatever you want to do to that body without the consent and approval of your spouse.
I see women go for some kind of surgery without the consent of the man. If you are doing it for that man whose glory you are, you will first of all be sure he is happy with it. You will not bring your hair to the front when he likes you having it at the back. If you are his glory, you will not dress the way your pastor wants you to dress, but the way your husband wants. Your pastor’s wife or your biological mother has no right to tell you what to wear and how to wear it, they can do that only when you are doing it wrongly.
Stop copying her style of dressing, stop the regular use of head tie just because your leader wants it that way; dress and tie your hair because your husband, who is the priest in your home, wants it that way.
Men are not free from this; if your wife wants you to wear a brown shirt today and you decide to go for red, you are going against the word of God because since you take her in as yours, you have become hers too. Your dressing and looks must be solely for her. She is not supposed to control you, but in a way, she should have control over you.
Marriage is a partnership and you can never get up and do things without first getting the approval of your partner. Stop trying to hide things from her and letting her know just a little about you. Sir, your wife must know what you are worth and if you tell me you don’t trust her enough to let her into your whole world, I ask you this question; why then are you wasting time with her?
A good number of men treat their wives like servants and slaves. It is sad seeing even the so-called educated ones lock up their wives in the prison called mansions. The man give the woman whatever he feels she needs and as you know, it is always material. You are giving her what you think she needs without trying to find out and give her what she knows she needs.
Men keep complaining about women leaving them after years of pampering and spoiling them. Whenever you ask to know what they spent and sacrifices they made for them, the first thing you hear is this “I sent her to school, I change her cars every year, I give her holiday with the kids abroad, I did this, I did that.” Have you sat her down to find out if you are giving her what her heart desires?
What if she wants to get a salary job and you have her in your business? What if she wants to leave her job and run her own business? What if she needs more love and time than she is getting? What if she wants you home early enough to spend time with her instead of you giving your evenings to your friends? What if you do all these things for her and she is still dead emotionally because she knows you have a girlfriend somewhere but doesn’t even know how to talk to you about it? What if she is planning to become very slim even when that is not her natural physique and in the process she loses her life in the surgeon’s room? What if she no longer enjoys any of those good things of life you give because she has concluded you are just like the man next door?
Have you wondered why she keeps looking for new friends even when you feel she doesn’t need them? You are so mean that you don’t even allow her to go out of the house and you are never there with her, and at the same time, she has no right to visit her friends. Isn’t this another form of slavery? You have in your fridge only the drinks your friends like and sometimes, you have drinks for your children. Have you gone out any day with the thought of what your wife likes drinking? How many men today have their partner’s bra size? With all your level of spirituality, when was the last time you bought clothes for your wife? Sir, it is not the duty of your wife to clothe herself, stop feeling you must share the responsibility; she can, if she loves you and you are nice to her, but God is not happy when you give her a burden that is not hers to carry.
The pain of a woman comes with child birth while yours as the man comes with the daily toiling for food, shelter and clothes. Even the Holy Bible says if a man fails to provide for his home, he is worse than an infidel. Enough of this looking for gainfully employed women and very rich ones because this is the beginning of turning the strong and hard working Nigerian men into gigolos and mummy’s boys.
I would also implore you to learn and strive to treat your spouse right. When you don’t treat him or her well, it can only take a matter of time before you come crashing. Thank your God if he or she is not one of those who are God’s favourites because if he or she is, you are bound to meet with trouble if you don’t change.
We do certain things and get away with them because our spouses are too nice not to do anything that will hurt us. If you hurt your wife to the point where she cries to God, that wealth you are so proud of will go in a minute.
I hear men tell their wives how lazy and useless they are. I see men compare their wives with their colleagues at work. Even pastors are not left out as they go on telling their wives how good the deaconess and singer is. You go home every day from church only to speak of them to the point that the woman begins to hate them. It is a natural thing because your wife knows those other women are doing well because their own husbands gave them the chance to become what they are, but you are there celebrating them and comparing them with her, while you are never going to allow her even use her university degree.
And who told you she contributed nothing to the growth of your business? She was your cook, house keeper, nanny for your children and your prayer warrior, while your laundry was done by her. She is the best you can ever think of and the earlier you begin to appreciate her, the better for you.
I know a good number of Nigerian men won’t like to hear this truth. From my newspaper columns, I have realised I get appreciated by men only when I write in their favour. Until you begin to shout hallelujah when issues are discussed in favour of men as well as women, you are yet to start living. I expect you to read and digest these lines and then decide to make amends.
Women, please remember, you are not to dress for your religious leaders or your bosses, but your husband. If you love your home and wants your man, please don’t be deceived into believing all you need for a good home is godliness and being a praying wife. Men live by sight and there are things they want to see in a woman. You must get him to begin to run home before the close of work. You must get him to always pick up his phone and speak some good and soothing words into your ears even when he is doing it for the fear of losing you.
You must be sexily dressed for him at all times. Please don’t carry spirituality into your matrimonial home. If your husband wants you to bare it for him inside the house, please go ahead and do this. If the man wants sex with you in the bath or kitchen, don’t hesitate to do it as long as the kids are away. Don’t be deceived by people who tell you that certain sex styles are demonic and against the scriptures. Whatever way you have sex within the confines of marriage, is right before God; even those who openly condemn you for doing it, secretly try it out sometimes.
Many Nigerian marriages are far from being what a marriage should be. What we have these days are two actors cohabiting. A man should know what his wife owns and earns, but still goes ahead to take care of her as his bride. The woman should know and be a part of her husband’s assets without looking for a way to rip him off. It is sad we live in such a time when women cheat and tell all kinds of lies just to get money from the men. I think this is happening because men have failed in their responsibility of taking care of their wives. But this shouldn’t be a reason for going against divine principles.
Some women now plan the kidnap of their husbands just because they must get money from them. There are women who now plan with medical doctors to tell their husbands they have one terminal illness or the other. This makes the man to drop a certain amount monthly for medical attention. Some men are very nice that they don’t even bother to ask questions what the woman does with her money. This is very commendable, but some women now abuse this privilege as they now see it as a good way to set their relations up in business and keep boyfriends outside their home.
Ladies, let us all do something towards winning back the trust our men once had in us and men, please go back to being the man you were created to be
