Caring as my husband of six months is, he complains too much. If he isn’t complaining about my way of dressing, it would be about the way I make love. Can you imagine him comparing my lovemaking to the way his ex makes love and telling me to my face that he enjoyed her movements better than he does mine? He even called me a different name the other day we were arguing over something.
When I got angry, he told me I had no reason to be angry because no woman he has ever dated goes by the name he called me just as I have no reason to be angry over what he said about his ex.
He has two children from his previous marriage. In fairness to the children, they are very nice to me but I am worried about my husband’s reasoning. Just the other day, he asked in front of our guests if the children had eaten when he knows that since coming into his house I give the children the right to go into my pot to dish their food the way they want. I adopted this attitude for two reasons; it is the way he brought them up and I don’t want them to complain about the quantity of food I give them. I want them to be free and eat as they want. I was very upset but because there were other people around, I didn’t make any comment beyond replying him that they have eaten.
When I brought the matter up after our guests have left, he said, he didn’t mean it the way I interpreted it but only asked when he went into the kitchen and saw all the pots empty. He said he thought I served him and his friends all the food in the pot without considering the children. I felt insulted and bad that he could think such a thing of me when all I have done since coming into his house is to be a mother to the children.
Severally, I have also had reasons to caution him against the way he nags his nieces and nephews over issues that should ordinarily be ignored. What, however, piques me is the way he pampers his children when they commit the same offences he growls others over. His children can do no wrong, not even when they come into our room unannounced at very odd hours or take things without permission. He keeps coming up with excuses to defend their behaviour. Having studied the kind of person he is, I have learnt to ignore the children even when they are misbehaving. For instance, since he hasn’t taught them the value of clearing plates and cups they use in eating from the table or wherever they decide to use as their eating spots, irritating as I find the habit, I have also learnt to turn a blind eye because during the first few days of my coming when I tried to effect some orderliness, I didn’t get any support from him. Instead, he heaped the blame on the house-girl for not cleaning after two teenagers.
I am two months pregnant. I love him but his attitude is beginning to bother me. First, I don’t want my child to be brought up the way he has done with his first set of children. I am of the firm belief that a child should be brought up with some measure of discipline and I am beginning to be irritated by his constant criticisms. I don’t want a broken home hence my decision to come to you for help now that I can still listen to good counsel.
Sumbo
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