Every woman, no matter the age, loves to be loved and pampered. Don’t blame us, God made us that way. To a good number of Nigerian men, it’s all about how much you have in your pocket. But I don’t really blame you because my fellow ladies have made you believe there is no relationship without a fat bank account. But have you wondered why we have wives of the so called rich and very busy men go around with boys they fend for?
Men now believe a girl can be treated anyhow and be pacified later by a fat cheque, exotic ride, and holiday to the Caribbean. Maybe it has been working for you simply because you have always met the greedy ones. But a time will come when you will fall head-over-heels in love with a girl only to have her walk out of your life. Then you will come to agree with me that there are dos and don’ts in every relationship.
Many relationships in Nigeria are in trouble because our dear men have refused to see women as partners. To them, she is just another piece of furniture and should be treated as one. Men still believe a woman should be seen and not heard. I still wonder when I see men beat their wives and girlfriends. This has led to the breakup of many relationships as the lady would rather live outside the relationship than die in the relationship.
I so much agree in a man being the head of every relationship. Everyone knows Amara is a strong supporter and promoter of African culture. But guys, I still see many African men who treat their wives like partners and not slaves. Treating a woman well has nothing to do with wealth. Yes, a woman deserves some level of comfort but that shouldn’t take the place of companionship.
Be it for a date or marriage, every decent girl wants a man who will always respect and treat her like a lady. To help you succeed in your relationship with the woman of your dream, try these few tips:
APPRECIATE HER:
It takes just a little effort to win a woman’s heart. A woman wants to be appreciated always. No matter how much you spend on your woman, she will never be satisfied until you give her that which her heart longs for. Look at her every morning before you step out of the house and tell her how beautiful she is. Even if you think she is not, I know there is one particular attribute she has which won your heart.
Yours may be a long distance relationship, thank God for GSM. She wants to hear your voice last thing at night, she wants you to talk her to sleep and wake her up the next morning to sweet words(I enjoy this, sleeping off while talking with him). This is the easiest way to win a woman’s heart and have her go the extra mile for you. Don’t let familiarity quench the fire and don’t be deceived into believing she doesn’t care; she does.
SPEND TIME WITH HER:
Give her time. I understand things are getting tougher. Men go through a lot of pressure to make ends meet (women do too). Traffic situation, especially in Lagos, is getting worse by the day but guys all these are not good enough reasons for your failure to spend time with the woman you love. She needs your time not just the goodies. I know a man who does not tolerate visitors in his house on Sunday; it is strictly for him to spend time with his wife and children. Another friend of mine switches off his phones on Sundays to avoid anything taking him away from the intimacy he enjoys with his family. Please deal with the habit of answering calls till you sleep off. Recently, I learnt this and leave my phone on silent once its 9p.m. We existed happily before GSM came and can live without it for just few hours.
GIVE
Be generous with the woman you claim to love. Most guys believe in just words. Guys, love gives. For you to be a good lover, you must be able to give according to your capability. Make that woman the envy of her friends. I am not saying you should go beyond your pocket just to make her happy. She is your woman and knows your worth. Love gives.
REMEMBER
Don’t forget her birthday, marriage anniversary and other important dates. Close early from work on that day and take her to a place she has never been before. Make it a memorable one; after all, she remembers yours. You can get friends for a surprise party for her.
Boy, stop coming up with the excuse of leaving town on an official assignment during St. Valentine season. Some guys make sure the official assignment starts a week before St. Valentine ‘s Day simply because they want to cheat on their wives and girlfriends. If you don’t like her look, get her to change it. This has led a lot of women into unfaithfulness.
•RESPECT HER
Make her feel on top among friends. We know you are the man but please don’t put it on her face. Don’t shout at her in public, that hurts a woman deeply. Guys, it is wrong discussing your woman with friends and relations. If you must, sing her praise. It is wrong gathering in that beer parlour to talk about her.
•CORRECT HER IN LOVE
Women are weaker vessels, so says the Holy Bible. Learn to treat her as one. She is bound to make grievous mistakes, pardon her, and put her on the right track. She may be the nagging type; love her.
•ACCEPT HER
I have seen a lot of men dating a girl without wanting to have anything to do with her job, friends and family. Guys, you must make that girl you claim to love dearly feel accepted. You must be ready to discuss her job, accept her friends and if there are ones you don’t like, gradually make her see reasons. But her family, you must accept. Why would any responsible man or woman stop the partner’s family from visiting?
Don’t try to make her change her job against her wish. I have seen men try to force a lady out of her job due to selfish reasons. Ninety-nine percent of the motive behind it is complex and insecurity. You may try to make her feel the job is too stressful for her but boy, we know why you did that. Inasmuch as you have to protect your own (girlfriend or wife), you don’t have to let your emotions rule all the time.
•TRUST HER
So many men have lost the woman they cherish so much simply because they chose to believe their friends rather than her. When you love a woman, you are bound to be jealous but please, keep it under control. Don’t allow the discussions or experiences of your friends ruin your relationship. Trust your woman, believe her. Some girls have had to walk out of relationships just because their man refused to believe them.
•AVOID BATTERING
Never raise your hands on her. Only cowards beat women. If you want to show us how strong you are, please find men like you in the stadium. Some men even go to the point of hitting their girlfriends and wives in public. That is just a proof of your level of irresponsibility. No matter how much a woman provokes you, never raise a hand on her. Yes, I agree with you, women can get you to the point where you lose control of yourself. But there are men like you handling it the right way. There are better ways to make a woman sober.
•INVOLVE HER
Involve her in your decision making. Don’t rule out her ideas as irrelevant. Women are most times more intelligent than men and if you are blessed to have an intelligent woman around you, please use her. Let the woman in your life know you and what you are worth. Refuse to believe people when they say she will kill you and take your properties.
Most Nigerian widows suffer at the death of their husbands simply because the man trusted his brothers and parents more than his wife and children. Oga, why would you leave your wife and children to make your brother the administrator of your will? No matter how much you trust him, your children and wife will suffer should anything happen.
•FLAUNT HER
Please don’t make your woman feel you are not proud of her. Introduce her to friends and relations; don’t walk far behind her in public. Volunteer to drive her to the spa or supermarket. If you are proud of your woman, let us know you are.
•GIVE HER A BREAK
Allow her to travel and sometimes have a time-out with friends far away from you. Don’t make her lose her individuality because she is with you. Don’t try to force her to become what she is not. A lot of women turn to Zombies when they have their man around but when you see them with friends, you see the lively part of them. Let that girl go, if she is yours she will remain yours. Love isn’t about bondage. Don’t let low self-esteem ruin your relationship.
If Nigerian men can decide to start treating women as individuals and adults, things will get better in the society. This issue of freedom is a very important one. I have seen that the women that find it difficult surviving as widows are those who were never allowed by their husbands to be themselves.
Your relationship with your woman shouldn’t be a cat and rat affair. Please do something to make this weekend an exciting one for her. Every woman, no matter the age, yearns for true love and affection. No woman wants to be made to feel old even when she knows she is getting old.
