If Joju thought that her husband, Fred, would jump at everything she did at home, then she must be joking. “There is nothing I do in that home that my husband said a thank you. Rather, he kept complaining about whatever I did. He would sulk all day whenever I decided changing anything in the sitting room or the children’s. Last week, he lost his mother and I gave him money to pay for the mortuary procedures. He collected it but was angry that I was showing off in front of his siblings that I was richer than him! He worked in the civil service while I am a manager in an oil serving company. How do women react without showing off? I asked him. He said I should be giving him money in private and allow him do the spending before others so as to make them know that he was indeed rich,” she said.

What happens when the mother becomes a breadwinner? “She suffers,” replied Eunice, 35, a banker.

“But is it my fault to have a good job or when has it become a crime for a woman to give her child the basic life’s necessities?

My husband is also an engineer, very hard-working but does not have enough food on our table or money in his pocket. I have never complained about this but I make sure everything the children needs are attended to. Recently, he started complaining about the children’s fondness of me and wondered why they would always mention my name whenever there was a need at home. I made him realise they are used to their mummy doing everything and he should not be angry at that. If I was wrong in reminding him of his responsibilities, then, I have no apologies to render because he would complain about everything—school fees, house rents and housekeep allowance. I am not tired of doing anything for my kids and he should not be tired of hearing them talk about me.”

Perpetual has paid the house rents for over five years. She said: ‘Since Daniel lost his job, I have done everything at home but no word of thank you from him. He believes that I can afford everything and he has stopped job-hunting. Last month, he asked that I increased the transport fare I give him because I told him I was promoted at work and had a salary increase. I am tired and anytime I want to buy something for myself, he said that I am showing off.”