Public Nuisance

We were told your situation was an emergency, and really when we saw you we knew this was a huge disaster to the entire populace. This reckless exposure is dangerous for other road users. How could you open your ‘booth’ indiscriminately in a public place? Could it be that your tailor didn’t measure you properly or the fabric wasn’t enough? We hereby summon your tailor to the next hearing for cross-examination. Until then, this case is adjourned till next month and you are to remain in our custody.

Bra offence

We admit that this is a great combination you have put on, but you killed it with the unflattering bra strap holding out for this strapless gown. For flagrantly flouting Section 356 of the Bra vs Strapless Code, you have been fined N1 million.

Flagging it down

Girl friend, it is so obvious that about 95 per cent of your mammary gland is outside while just five per cent is inside. But if we take a harder look, it would not be too difficult to find that too. Really, we would have loved to feast on your beautiful necklace rather than those pairs. This Fashion Court imposes a N3 million fine on you.

Sham!

This grey gown really shows off your enviable figure. But we are not too comfortable with the length and the way you show-off your oilrig. It is even more a style crime for having a patch right beside it. Well, that’s another moral lesson for another day. You are to pay a fine
of N2 million.

Busting out!

When you hit certain age, there are some things you don’t show us, especially if your ‘milk factory’ has suckled three or more
undergraduates. It is an embarrassment to flaunt what is no longer in vogue. For making our lives miserable, you have been pronounced guilty and fined N3.5 million.

Chest evidence

Your make up was well done that my jury couldn’t take their eyes off you. But we were surprised when our male jury and court bailiff started drooling, and we found the implicating evidence on your chest. For throwing the court in disarray, we hereby charge you with style contempt of court and fined N5 million. Well, for the male jury and bailiff, we would let you know their verdictafter the recess.