Madam!

Is this a bad joke or what? Or is it another fashionable new masquerade? You actually chose a matching canvas for your iro and buba. Haba! You could have gone to Mile12 to rent rain boots instead of these expensive ones. We are sure market women there would gladly rent out a pair to you. We are sure you would look more glamorous. Well we won’t waste so much time on your case, because this is a very bad case. We hereby refer you to Ewekoro Cement Factory for six months because we have been told they need more hands. The court has also given you an option of N1million fine.

Bad hair day?

My jury is angry in the spirit , because we believe you should know better. How come your hair is like this on the red carpet. Is that thread on your hair sunglass style?
You actually ruined our day with this cheap costume and your shoes. Or did you think this was a picnic or what? Aunty Ngozi we won’t take this from you . We hereby refer you to Ifeoma Kojo Williams. You should also pay N800,000 fine.

Yellow sisi

We were at a loss for words when our fashion police gave evidence that you were caught on a red carpet event dressed like this. Madam this is contrary to section 203 of the red carpet style constitution. My jury is so angry, because you exposed your over-processed skin. Your flimsy top is hereby seized and deposited at NAFDAC headquarters where it would be burned on NTA live with expired drugs.

Trying too hard

Section 239, subsection 235 of the mini act says “ when in a mini dress cover up other areas”. But you flouted this section by showing off your mammary glands as well. Pay N900, 000 fine.

No NAFDAC number

We are surprised that we still have these products in the market despite the efforts of NAFDAC and SON to get rid of expired and substandard products from the country. Well, your lawyer is arguing vehemently that your products are certified. We hereby order you to appear with the papers at the next hearing. Until then , pay N1million fine before you are granted bail.

Side attraction

What was on your mind when you bought that dress? This is absurd and unacceptable. We don’t care how much you bought it. We hereby call on the commissioner for transport in Lagos state to accept this dress as a token from fashion court and use as duster for BRT buses. Eko on ni baje o!