Mount Everest

With those huge mountains popping out on your chest, we suggest you enrol with an American football team, because they remind us so much of a quarterback. You are hereby charged with overloading and constituting an obstruction to other road users and, of course, other stylish people too. Pay a fine of N1million.

Lapastrophe

Girls! Are you all auditioning for the role of a female avatar? Honestly, that only explains why you all have to flaunt your laps. If you have seen Avatar, you would understand what we are saying. This is a style no no and we cannot fold our arms and do nothing when young girls are busy walking the street nearly nude. We are so pained and you have been fined N500,000 each. However, before you would be granted bail, you are all mandated to appear at the next court hearing with an essay on decent dressing signed by your mother.

Factory error?

Is this a new style or just a factory error? Well, whatever it is, my jury, especially the men, loved how you pulled the look. But, madam, is that a veil or hair extension you have on? We know that hair doesn’t grow on the forehead, except we need to add you to the Guinness Book of Records. With all authority vested in this court, we hereby summon your designer while you pay N800, 000 fine.

Caught in the act!

You have been charged with wandering laps and loitering. In addition, you were tampering with evidence by placing your bag and invitation on the style crime scene. Pay N1million..

Peeping Tom

The new policy from SON states that little details matter in product packaging. Madam, you have flouted provisions of this policy, because you should have considered the shelf life of your tits before taking them through this fiery furnace. Despite all the packaging, your bra cups are peeping out of their confines and they’ve got no business doing that. We have the authority to fine you N500,000.