Boring

The prosecuting counsel argued his case well and all evidence shows that you are guilty. But for the purpose of fair hearing, we would want your lawyer to attend the next court session. If not , we won’t hesitate to give our judgment or strike the case out. But until then, pay a fine of N800,00. Court!

Atomic bomb

Madam! Our emergency help center has been receiving alarming calls from the public since you left home dressed like this. In fact, we were told that you detonated your atomic cleavage and you almost went up in flames but for the swift intervention of our efficient fashion police. The situation was well managed and we recorded no casualties. For stressing-out innocent citizens, pay a fine of N5million.

Pretty face

Have you forgotten what Section 234 subsection 3 of the moral and style code says? It says “ dress the way you want to be addressed”. My jury is angry with you, because you are young and pretty. So why did you act like you needed Christmas sales discount to boost your market. Girlfriend, you have been pronounced guilty and you will be placed in the custody of Farida Wazziri this season and for the next six months. You will take some lessons in proper dressing.

Oil block

We understand so well that getting an oil block in the country can be quite difficult but what we don’t understand is when you decide that every Nuhu Alli, Desmond Elliot, Emeka Ike and Femi Adebayo should catch a free glimpse of your oil rig. You have been pronounced guilty and charged with style harassment. Pay a fine N1million.

Too wrong

We don’t understand why you wore this desperate attention-seeking dress. Exposing too much cleavage is absolutely unacceptable . You have been fined N1million.

Nuclear weapon

When our jury caught a glimpse of you in the witness box, they couldn’t just control tears. Why? Because they think you need an emergency style help. This is totally an overrated crappy show of shame and we won’t sit back and fold our arms. Madam, everything is absolutely wrong with your style sense, the flabby arms that were beautifully tattooed with stretch marks, your bra struggling to catch a deep breathe and those massive nuclear weapons. Haba! You have crossed the line and we demand the sum of N7million or you will have to remain in our style centre at Koma hills for rehabilitation