Bad trader
Lately, Nigerian fashion police have been concerned about fashion wannabe’s like you. My jury wondered where you got the guts and effrontery to hatch this notorious plot in public . Well, we don’t blame you because an eyewitness during the court session said “na bad market cause am”. That only explains all this show of flesh. Pay a fine of N1 million and that dress will be confiscated. We don’t care how you’ll get home.
How much?
We’re so unhappy about this phenomenon called boob window dressing. My jury thinks we need to get our scientists to invent a new device that would keep wild and stubborn tits like yours in the corset. We’re sure we need a lot of funding for that and so you have been fined N2.5million, so that the work can start.
Unstable market
It’s so obvious that your boobs were running helter-skelter during interrogation. We just couldn’t but wonder why they suddenly became uncontrollable. For flagrantly breaking the law, pay N2million fine.
Sales over
We all know how well you helped in re-defining and modifying the mini to suit your age bracket and to say the least we loved it. But my jury disagrees with you as you’ve refused to tame your underwear. For crying out loud, you shouldn’t be caught doing this at this age and we also think you are overdoing it. Section 234 of the mini act says “Don’t flaunt too much flesh when wearing a mini dress”. Considering your status, we will place you on probation for two weeks. In addition , you will be sent to every nook and cranny of Osun state where you would be mandated to pull down all posters and billboards of gubernatorial aspirants, because the seat is no longer vacant.
Public offer
Honestly, we don’t understand the purpose of your dressing . We were surprised to know this was a red carpet event and not a costume party. Flaunting all your assets without a public offer on the Stock Market is contrary to Section 467 of the style act. We hereby order you to tender a letter of apology to the NSE in 2,000 words and pay N1.5million in addition.
Dozen price
For crying out loud! Was Ariaria market in Aba on strike? Or are Aba textile dealers out of business? Those can only be your reasons for dressing like this. During cross examination, our prosecuting counsel told you to pick up a pen and when you did , hell was let loose . This case is adjourned till next month and until then, you’ll remain in our custody. I rise!
