Deregulation

Have you forgotten that Section 245 of the Mini Act says “always sit with the calf of your legs crossed when wearing a mini’. Madam, this public display of your oil rig these days when motorists have to queue endlessly at the fuel station is highly unacceptable. We were told you almost got mobbed but for the timely intervention of our efficient fashion police. You will remain in our custody until the Minister of Petroleum resolves this fuel scarcity. Until then you have to stay with the cook. You would be a good hand in the kitchen.

Trying too hard

We got an emergency call from 991 on the 4th of February that you almost got yourself killed in that half-yard material you call a dress. Evidence shows that you could hardly walk or breathe. Or have they closed down Aba market? Have clothes merchants changed jobs too? We hereby summon the president of the clothes merchants to explain his part of the story. Until then, this case is adjourned till 7th of April for next hearing.

Flaunting it all

You got it all wrong when you decided to board the train of women displaying their boobs loosely in public. Haba! Why should you deliberately allow your milk factory pop out of its confines? Don’t you know that is a health hazard? This is contrary to the health and style edict. You have been fined N600, 000

Boob-cessory

Information reaching us shows that flaunting the cleavage is now fashionable to some people. We won’t just fold our arms and watch you display your assets publicly without caution. Girl, grow up and put your energy elsewhere. You have been fined N500, 000..

Grandma!

What happened to your face? Were you in a mud fight? This is so hard to comprehend. Although your lawyer tried all to turn the foundation code upside down in order to suit your case but grandma this evidence is so glaring and so ridiculous. It’s like a new patch of paint on a dilapidated building. We could go on and on with your make-up but considering your age we will temper justice with mercy and you would are granted bail in the sum of N700, 000 and two sureties. But
henceforth you would be banned from wearing any make-up.

Wahala dey!

This is rather too flimsy and trashy on red carpet. Section 236 of the red carpet code says “ dress tastefully and appropriately when on the red carpet”. You have been pronounced guilty and sentenced to spend six months with Modela who would teach you the rudiments of dressing to occasion. Next time, you must be more glamorous or else….

By ‘Justice’ Bolatito Adebayo
Prosecuting counsel: Dele Onatade
Photo arrangement : Ekiye Daniel

Story by Justice’ Bolatito Adebayo