Dear Agatha,
I have a very embarrassing situation in my home. I got married about six years ago and for almost five and a half years, my husband hasn’t slept with me.
Being indifferent to sex, I really didn’t notice it at first. I only became bothered when it persisted and my hunger to have my own children became unquenchable and embarrassing for me.
I had to cry out when his mother started making big trouble for me. Although she, like my mother is one of those staunch born again Christians who have never used relaxers on their hair or worn ear-rings but when it came to the issue of having a grandchild, she threw the biblical teachings of patience aside to issue an ultimatum to me to produce a grandchild for her or leave her son’s house to enable another woman who is capable of producing a child for her son come in.
When the problems became too much as well as the number of times I was forced to go to the mountains to pray for the fruits of the womb were becoming more than I could tolerate, I had to open up to my mother that there is no way I can get pregnant since my husband stopped sharing my bed six months into our marriage.
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Even those few months he shared my bed; it was as if he was in a great hurry to leave. Once he was done, he would leave the room, rush into the toilet to take his bath and move into the living room to sleep. Eventually he didn’t even bother to sleep in our room. He simply moved to the guest room and when we have visitors, he would come into our room and sleep on the floor. The only thing is that he eats my food but talks to me only when necessary.
Honestly, if not for the child issue, I wouldn’t have even asked him or told anybody what the situation in my home was.
My mother couldn’t contain the information so she went straight to my mother-in-law to tell her what I told her.
Initially my mother-in-law said I was lying but when she confronted her son with the information; he didn’t bother to deny it.
When asked why, he told our sets of parents that I smell. He actually too a match stick to scratch at the back of my ears to prove his point. The flakes of dirt that fell from the back of my ears so much embarrassed me that I instantly began to cry. He asked everybody, “if she is this dirty here, you can imagine her state where it mattered the most. My father hissed, looked at my mother and said, like mother; like daughter.
To my pains when his father asked why he didn’t tell me; he said since I didn’t consider personal hygiene important, why should he bother telling me? That he did what he thought was best by refusing to share in my personal un-hygiene. Without any feelings whatsoever, he said those few times he attempted it, he vomited from the stench. He also said, since I didn’t bother to ask why he was avoiding me, he also didn’t think it important to explain himself to me.
To think my husband kept this from me until I opened up beats my imagination. How do I go about this problem?
Laide.
