“The secret of the Lord is with them that fear Him, and He will show them His covenant” . (Psalm 25:14)
Years back, a total of 6,000 couples were asked the secret of their strong marriage, in a research that took about twenty-five years to complete. During this research conducted by marriage counselors, it was discovered that almost all these 6,000 couples have some things in common which happen to be the secret of their blissful home. If we too can put them into our marriages, it will turn it to heaven on earth.
They are:
(1). COMMITMENT:
Commitment is a state of being willing to give a lot of time, energy and resources to one’s spouse. Commitment is being there for him/her when there’s every reason not to. It also means to be committed to one’s spouse to defend and protect. Successful couples are dedicated to promoting each other’s welfare and happiness. They focused their home and are committed to their marriage vows. They made their marriages a top priority with respect to how they invest their time and energy on their homes. There’s no marriage without its own challenges but commitment enables them to weather the storms. No marriage, no matter how good it seems can be successful without the commitment of the parties involved. Without commitment, marriage will be in danger. Marriage is not a Sprint, it is a marathon race, it needs stamina, courage and commitment to make it a success. (Eccl 9:10)
(2). SPIRITUAL WELL-BEING:
These happy couples are all children of God, devoted to God in all ways, make Bible their authority and totally submitted to its ordinance. They are men and women of prayer. They don’t joke with prayer; prayer and fasting are their ways of life. They allow God in their homes and give Him the leadership role. Once the presence of God is missing in a marriage, devil will be at the driver’s seat driving such homes into stormy water. These couples secured the presence of God and the peace of God with other heavenly benefits reign supreme in their homes (Galatians 5:22-26).
(3). TIME TOGETHER:
Togetherness is compulsory where marriage must be the best .Research indicates that couples that do things together tends to be more closer, understand each other and have a successful marriage than those that are not having time together. If your marriage must be strong, you must live together, talk, sleep, play, pray and eat together. Mind you, many things like hours spent at work, in watching T.V, talking to your friends, salon, visitation, newspaper, computer games are competing seriously with your time to the detriment of your marriage, if care is not taking. To make your marriage a success, make your spouse part of your daily schedules regardless of how busy you are. Your marriage is very vital; incorporate it in your daily routines lest you have the time for quarrel or divorce. Time is not negotiable in marriage; spend quality time together and in generous quality. Time spent together as a couple is not a waste; it is the best period in fanning love in y>our life. Investment of time is the best investment in your marriage.
(4). POSITIVE COMMNUICATION:
It takes a spark to set a house on fire. Careless spoken words can wreck the boat of any marriage. That is why H. Norman Wright in his book, Communication, the key to your marriage said “each person must be responsible for his own tongue- training program. Controlling the tongue needs to be a continuing aim for every husband and wife because everything that is said either helps or hinders, heals or hurts, build up or tears down the home. Husbands or wives who enjoys strong fulfilling marriage relationship have good communication skills, spending much time saying positive words, sending positive messages and signals. Try as much as possible to avoid negative communication like “I hate you”, “I regret marrying you”, “you are a fool”, “you are an idiot” etc. But make use of positive communication like “I love you”, “you are beautiful”, “you are unique”, “I am fortunate to be your husband/wife” etc. Negative communication will bring frustration and sorrow into your home while positive communication will draw you closer to your spouse in love. So, train your tongue to utter positive words concerning your spouse. “As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord; so walk ye in Him”.(Colossians 2:6)
(5). APPRECIATION:
Strong marriage is the marriage of couples that appreciate each other, they built other up psychologically giving sincere compliments and enhance each other’s self-esteem. Appreciation means going out of your way to notice all the little things your partner does and letting him or her know you appreciate it. To be appreciative, you have to condition your mind towards it, focusing on the positive sides of your spouse rather than the negatives, pointing to the qualities of your spouse, showing genuine concern, laughing to his/her jokes, his/her stature, gifts, food and helping hand etc. These couples appreciate each other’s contribution at home; they commend each other’s look, dressing, gifts and qualities etc. Appreciation builds love and positive feelings towards each other (Proverbs 31:28).
(6). FORGIVENESS:
Forgiveness is a strong pillar of a successful marriage since we can not but offend each other. Couples that can not forgive each other can not build virile homes. Forgiveness reduces tension from homes, removes strain from marriage. It paves way for intimacy. So, make up your mind to forgive your spouse no matter what he/she do to you. Forgiveness helps to stop the cycle of evil and shut the devil completely out of the home.
(7). TRUST:
A good marriage is based on trust- It is a bond that binds a husband and wife together that make them to be indispensable to one another. Trust destroy negative thinking and break the back bone of suspicion. It strengthens the home and helps to build strong intimacy in marriage (Proverbs 31:11)
(8). FAITHFULNESS:
Faithfulness help to build trust. To be fruitful in marriage we have to be absolutely faithful. Lack of faithfulness will open the door to extra-marital affair, STDs, suspicion, erosion of love, external attack, fear and it destroys the strength of any marriage.
(9). LOVE: –
Marriage without love is like a car without engine oil, it will soon knock down. Love makes a home strong and better. It is the corner-stone of any successful marriage. It strengthens the family and blossom the relationship.
(10). ACCEPTANCE: –
No marriage can be successful if the parties involved do not accept each other. Lack of acceptance will lead to comparison, condemnation, complaint and rejection. If your wife is fat, she is not too fat, if she is slim; she is not too slim, accept your husband as God created him. Stop comparing him with anybody; do not expect your spouse to be like somebody else. Accept each other.
Excerpt from the series teaching of:
Pastor Benson Julius
Fire Charismatic Chapel
Abuja-Nigeria.
